What to Do About a Miserable Relationship

Maybe you were happy and then out of nowhere you start to feel miserable in your relationship. When this happens, it probably has been a slow process that you didn’t really see. You might just be realizing that you’re unhappy in your relationship and this can cause you to feel sad and confused. What should you do now? You might wonder if the relationship is even fixable or if you should just leave the relationship and be done with it.

Are You in a Miserable Relationship?

There are signs that can show you if you are in a miserable relationship. Here are some of the signs:

• Your Intuition Tells You

If you just feel that you’re miserable in your relationship, then you have to understand that happiness is an emotion. You know what it feels like to be happy just like you know what it feels like to not be happy. When this feeling is missing you might be sad, stressed, frustrated, or even bored.

When something doesn’t feel right and you feel miserable, chances are there could be something wrong with the relationship or you might just have valid reasons as to why you feel this way. This can come even if you love your partner.

• Feeling Unsafe

Being in an unsafe relationship emotionally or physically can make you miserable. This is unhealthy and it means that you aren’t being taken care of or it can mean that you’re being abused.

You know that your relationship has changed and was once happy and if you don’t want to be around your partner anymore or to talk to them then you might not be comfortable with them anymore. If they bring you no happiness, then you might need to get out.

• You Don’t Want Sex

Maybe you always loved to have sex with them and out of nowhere you no longer want to be with your partner. This means that something is wrong and something inside of you has changed in the relationship.

• There’s No Communication

One sign of a miserable relationship is when there is no communication. You or your partner might have pulled away form each other or you are losing interest in each other.

• The Relationship Isn’t 50/50

When you feel that you’re the only one giving in the relationship then this means that your partner isn’t doing their part. You might feel that this is a problem and it’s making you miserable. This is something that has to be addressed right away.

• The Boundaries Are Being Ignored

When your partner ignores your boundaries, it can lead to a miserable relationship. They might do this without feeling bad. Everyone should have boundaries and boundaries are healthy. These boundaries can include financial boundaries, physical boundaries and more. Breaking boundaries means that you’re getting run over.

• Feeling Distant

Being in a miserable relationship can mean that you’re feeling distant. You might not feel close to your partner anymore because you or they have pulled away. You might see that they only want sex and nothing more and this can leave you feeling frustrated and upset. Even if things were good at the beginning, the could be bad now.

• No Respect

At the beginning you felt very loved and respected but if your partner is always breaking your trust then you are not being cared for properly. Being in this kind of relationship is unhealthy and there should be mutual respect at all times.

• You Don’t Know Who You Are

You should always know who you are and what you want. Your partner might be draining you and you might not even know what you want or need at this point. Maybe you used to love to do things but now all of those desires are gone. You may even stay in the relationship for the sake of your kids.

Why Do Some Relationships Become Miserable?

Being unhappy in your relationship here and there is normal but when you are less happy than you ever were, and things aren’t getting better then there is a problem. Being happy all the time is impossible, and you will go through cycles where there are ups and downs.

You can have growth cycles that change the way that things are, and this can leave you and your partner both feeling miserable. When you are meant to change and grow, you have to care for each other through these things and work through them.

Some of the problems that can cause a relationship to become miserable include:

• Unresolved conflicts.
• Ongoing problems.
• Stress in life.
• Not able to communicate well.
• Codependency.
• Loss of independence.
• Lack of appreciation.
• No respect.
• Lack of trust.
• No honesty.
• Insecurities.
• Personal insecurities.
• Lack of intimacy.

What Should You do if Your Relationship is Miserable?

If you find yourself in a miserable relationship, here’s what you can do:

• Find Out Why

The first thing you need to do is dig deep into your relationship and see why it went from being happy to being miserable. Figure out why you’re unhappy and what you can do to fix it.

Take time to reflect on your relationship and see what concerns you have. Talk about things that are missing or things that have changed.

• Talk About It

You and your partner need to take time to talk to each other without pointing fingers or accusing each other. Find a way to talk in a non-judgmental way and focus on working through the problems together.

Share what is concerning you and don’t blame your partner. Talk about the issues and how you could come together to fix things.

• Make Changes

Try to make changes to bring happiness back into the relationship.  Just talking about something won’t bring change but watch for changes to come. If your partner isn’t willing to change, this means that they don’t want to grow.

Figure out if the person is worth staying with and if they are committed to make the relationship better. Changed behavior looks like this:

• • Stopping repeating behaviors that cause drama.
  • Getting a couple’s therapist.
  • Reading books to help with childhood trauma.

You and your partner have to make changes in your behavior not just once but for the life of the relationship in order for things to get better.

• Be Accountable

If you’ve done something to make a mess of the relationship, own up to it and be responsible for your behavior. One of the best things that you can do is to admit that you have done something wrong and to say you’re sorry about it.

Taking accountability for yourself will show your partner that they can do the same thing. Learn to apologize when something isn’t done right and save your relationship.

• Get Help

Consider talking to a therapist or a counselor. If you can’t figure out how to solve the problems by yourself, talk to someone that is a professional to help you.

• Know When Thing’s Aren’t Working

If you have a partner that isn’t willing to change and you keep having the same conversation over and over, it might be time to end the relationship. If they don’t care enough about you to concern themselves with working on things, then the relationship isn’t worth it for them.

Express yourself with what you want and need and don’t point fingers. If things aren’t changing though, it might be time to move on.

• Allow Yourself to Go

Give yourself time but trust and listen to your intuition. If you feel that you aren’t able to work through things, then it might be time to move on. Don’t stay in a relationship that is no longer serving you.

You can love someone with all of your heart but not be happy and this means that you might need to leave and move on. You might want to be with them but when you see things aren’t healthy then you can make the choice to let them go.

You don’t have to wait until things are so bad that you are stuck, and you can’t find your happiness. Leave when things are beyond your control.

Relationships and Happiness

People often are happy or sad based on their relationships and there is a real connection between happiness and relationships. Happiness though has to start inside of you first. You should be able to be happy rather you’re with someone or you aren’t. No one can steal your happiness.

You have to find your happiness in your life and let go of the stress and drama that is making you miserable. You shouldn’t depend on your partner to make you happy, but you should depend on yourself.

If you feel that you can’t work through things and that you are miserable, take time to step away and see if your relationship needs to move on or not. You can dig deep and find out why you aren’t able to get along with your partner and what has taken away the joy out of the relationship. Find things that you love to do and enjoy your life even if your relationship comes to an end.

Relationships can be strange sometimes and if you’re going through hard times, it can be normal to be unhappy. If you feel unhappy all the time in your relationship though, this isn’t normal, and it isn’t healthy.

You can love your partner with everything in you and still be happy if they aren’t the right person for you. Sometimes you’re just in a different stage of life than they are, and the relationship isn’t going to work out how you hoped it would.

If you’re scared to leave your relationship, you can talk to someone that can help you. Get help from a therapist or talk to someone that you can trust. Don’t stay in a relationship where you feel scared or trapped.

If your partner is unhappy in the relationship and you aren’t able to solve things and work things out, then it might be time for both of you to take some time apart and see if that makes things better.

Final Thoughts

People will sometimes be unhappy in their relationship, and this is normal, but it isn’t normal to constantly be unhappy. If this is happening, then it might mean that the relationship isn’t meant for you or your partner.

Being miserable shouldn’t be normal for you in your relationship and you have the right to be happy and to love your life. If your relationship isn’t serving you and you find that you are not able to make the changes necessary to feel good, you need to let them go and find your own happiness.

Relationships should be a win and if you are feeling like you’re constantly losing, this is unhealthy, and it is a sign that it might be time to move on.